


V is for Virgil who died en flambé

by LostWendy1



Category: Addams Family - All Media Types, Gashlycrumb Tinies - Edward Gorey
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-19
Updated: 2012-12-19
Packaged: 2017-11-21 13:14:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/598169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LostWendy1/pseuds/LostWendy1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wednesday Addams must put together a family tree for a school project. The teacher asks for creativity, and Wednesday obliges.</p>
            </blockquote>





	V is for Virgil who died en flambé

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CupcakeGoth](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CupcakeGoth/gifts).



> For CupcakeGoth! We actually matched on the Gashlycrumb Tinies fandom, but when I saw you had also requested The Addams Family, I couldn't resist combining the two. Given that the Gashlycrumb Tinies are involved, I had to include illustrations, though I do hope you'll forgive their simpleness. ;)
> 
> (This space reserved for thanking my beta once author names are revealed. *g*)

At the beginning of the school year, Wednesday’s teacher announced their semester project.

“Class, this year we’re going to be working on. . .” Ms. Fletcher clasped her hands together, her eyes shining with excitement, “our family trees!” She gave a little jump of enthusiasm, and her large hoop earrings jingled loudly. “Oh, it’s going to be so much fun! These will be due right before winter break so make sure you do your research! I want as much information as you can gather, and don’t forget: be creative!”

Be creative. In teacher-speak, that usually meant poster board, lots of colors, and bubble-shaped cutout letters. Sometimes Wednesday wondered if Ms Fletcher remembered she taught teenagers and not toddlers. Unfortunately, her classmates seemed just as excited as their teacher.

“My grandfather grew up next to the Kennedys,” one boy loudly exclaimed.

“Well, my mother once told me that we were related to George Washington,” another girl boasted.

“So, uh, Wednesday,” Brad, the boy across the aisle, leaned toward her over his desk. “Any crazy skeletons in your family closet?” The two boys behind them snickered.

Wednesday stared at Brad for several long seconds before replying. She liked to watch them squirm when they realized she wasn’t blinking.

“Several, actually,” she finally answered. The bell rang just then, and she stood up, gathering her books. “We dust them on weekends.” Wednesday smirked as she strode out of the room, leaving her classmates staring after her with gaping mouths.

***

Wednesday sat on one of the several stone benches that lined the pathway of her family’s cemetery. All around her were the various headstones, monuments, and statues that marked the final resting places of her many family members. Growing up with a cemetery in her backyard, Wednesday knew more about her ancestors than she did about her classmates.

She tapped her fingers thoughtfully against the bench. How would one go about describing the diverse population of relatives in one’s family tree in such a manner that best displayed their unique abilities and accomplishments, while at the same time still maintaining the usual world-weary attitude and sardonic outlook that conveyed a reluctance in conforming to the same educational standards as followed by the likes of the slumped over Cro-Magnons parading as teenage boys in the back row of history class?

A family tree. A _creative_ family tree. She gazed across the cemetery and watched as a crow landed on the outstretched foot of Great Aunt Gilda’s memorial statue. Gilda had been a ballerina on the Russian stage when she was younger and couldn’t resist throwing a comeback tour when she hit her sixties. Unfortunately her legs weren’t quite as limber as they had been all those years ago, and her first _jeté_ across the stage had been her last.

Just behind her grave site lay the tombstone memorializing her third cousins, Mason and Dixon. Wednesday couldn’t remember meeting them as they had died when she was very young, but she had heard many stories about these infamous twins. They shared everything, including their clothes, and they fought over everything, including whose turn it was to do the dishes. Their last fight involved their double-barreled shotgun. According to authorities, it had been nearly impossible to recover all of their body parts, and so even in death, they shared one casket.

Wednesday moved on to the next burial place: Great-great-uncle Abelard, the ornithologist, who thought living amongst his specimens would help him to understand their habits better. Personally, Wednesday thought the artist did a great job rendering the indifferent yet dangerous look in the eyes of Abelard’s favorite Andean condor sculpted atop of the headstone. Just behind him lay Marvella, a distant relative who tried to ride down Niagara Falls in a barrel. Cosmo, a French artist, found his inspiration at the bottom of the Seine. And tiny little Grova who loved to play practical jokes, though finding her body in that locked cabinet months later hadn't been too funny.

 _Be creative._ Her relatives had certainly ended their lives in creative ways.

Suddenly Wednesday Addams had an idea.

***

“And that’s my family tree!” The girl actually curtsied before folding up her display and heading back to her desk. The rest of the class applauded, the teacher loudest of all.

“Thank you, Katelyn. Very good,” Mrs. Fletcher beamed. “That was a wonderful presentation. And so creative too! I loved the bright colors.” Her eyes swept across the room for a moment before finally settling on Wednesday. “Er, Miss Addams? I do believe you are our last presenter.” She motioned to the front of the room. “Would you care to share your, uh, family history with us?”

Wednesday sighed. _The time had come, the Walrus said._ She gathered up the pieces of her project and made her way to the front of the class.

“This is my family tree.” Wednesday stated. She placed a large poster board, which she had cut and colored to look like gravestone, on the easel. The alphabet ran down the side with a short sentence next to each letter.

“What’s with the ten commandments?” Brad called out from the back of the room. “Your family comes from one of those weird religious cults, right? Is that why you always wear black?” He guffawed and high-fived his neighbor.

Ms. Fletcher made to shush them, but Wednesday held up her hand. “We were asked to be creative,” she said. “I have chosen to write a poem about my family.”

Wednesday hefted up a large notebook, which she rested against the blackboard, and opened the cover. The first page featured a photograph of a wine bottle and a can of food. “This is my family,” she announced. She looked Brad directly in the eye. “And this is how they died.”

She cleared her throat and began.

 

“A is [Arturo](http://i1278.photobucket.com/albums/y502/YuletideGiftGiver/012_zps02d9e917.jpg) who got stuck in a mask.  
B is for [Blob](http://i1278.photobucket.com/albums/y502/YuletideGiftGiver/013_zpse9f04e49.jpg), my uncle. Don’t ask.

C, [Calpurnia](http://i1278.photobucket.com/albums/y502/YuletideGiftGiver/014_zps7174013b.jpg), was burned as a witch.  
D is [Delilah](http://i1278.photobucket.com/albums/y502/YuletideGiftGiver/015_zpsc878dad5.jpg) who died in a ditch.

E, [Cousin Earl](http://i1278.photobucket.com/albums/y502/YuletideGiftGiver/016_zps9a61281c.jpg), drowned in a reef.  
F is for [Frump](http://i1278.photobucket.com/albums/y502/YuletideGiftGiver/028_zps3185350f.jpg), my grandpa the thief.

G, [Cousin George](http://i1278.photobucket.com/albums/y502/YuletideGiftGiver/017_zps3b4c1f7a.jpg), was struck by a horse.  
H is [Aunt Hester](http://i1278.photobucket.com/albums/y502/YuletideGiftGiver/010_zpsfae719ef.jpg) who drove the wrong course.

I is for [Itchy](http://i1278.photobucket.com/albums/y502/YuletideGiftGiver/037_zpseef2f0ce.jpg), our paranoid friend.  
J, [Uncle Jester](http://i1278.photobucket.com/albums/y502/YuletideGiftGiver/008_zpsd7c012d4.jpg), got the joke in the end.

K, [Aunt Kalinda](http://i1278.photobucket.com/albums/y502/YuletideGiftGiver/011_zps581209ad.jpg), put on the wrong wig.  
L is for [Long John](http://i1278.photobucket.com/albums/y502/YuletideGiftGiver/039_zps22a3cc7b.jpg), who died in the brig.

M is [Malaplop](http://i1278.photobucket.com/albums/y502/YuletideGiftGiver/018_zps6fab4fb0.jpg), who has “urned” his rest.  
N is for [Nissa](http://i1278.photobucket.com/albums/y502/YuletideGiftGiver/038_zps9751fc65.jpg) who tried her best.

O is [Ophelia](http://i1278.photobucket.com/albums/y502/YuletideGiftGiver/019_zps43e0d51f.jpg) who fell in a tank.  
P is for [Pegleg](http://i1278.photobucket.com/albums/y502/YuletideGiftGiver/020_zps29b4d586.jpg) who walked off the plank.

Q is for [Quigley](http://i1278.photobucket.com/albums/y502/YuletideGiftGiver/021_zpsba35d930.jpg), a fan not of denim.  
R is for [Remis](http://i1278.photobucket.com/albums/y502/YuletideGiftGiver/036_zps87403cb0.jpg) who died from snake venom

S, [Uncle Slosh](http://i1278.photobucket.com/albums/y502/YuletideGiftGiver/022_zps1c8e7ab5.jpg), fell right down a sewer.  
T, our [Aunt Tilda](http://i1278.photobucket.com/albums/y502/YuletideGiftGiver/042_zps736fe7bd.jpg), proved her love was truer.

U is for [Undine](http://i1278.photobucket.com/albums/y502/YuletideGiftGiver/035_zpsdc5302ea.jpg) who wasted away.  
V is for [Virgil](http://i1278.photobucket.com/albums/y502/YuletideGiftGiver/024_zps519dba7c.jpg) who died en flambé.

W is for [Wanda](http://i1278.photobucket.com/albums/y502/YuletideGiftGiver/025_zps126ead42.jpg) whose death was quite dumb.  
X is for [Xerxes](http://i1278.photobucket.com/albums/y502/YuletideGiftGiver/026_zpsb073e88b.jpg) who had a green thumb.

Y is for [Yancy](http://i1278.photobucket.com/albums/y502/YuletideGiftGiver/009_zps05f5319f.jpg) who danced with a bear.  
Z, [Great Aunt Zelda](http://i1278.photobucket.com/albums/y502/YuletideGiftGiver/027_zps5e0402af.jpg), lacked proper air.”

 

The classroom was completely silent as Wednesday set down the photo album.

Ms. Fletcher blinked. “Well. . . that was definitely, er, creative, Miss Addams. I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone write a poem before, certainly not one with, uh. . .” Her large eyes darted around the room frantically, as if she hoped some kind student would speak up and provide her with an appropriate adjective. “With. . . Well, it certainly rhymed, didn’t it, class?” She hit her fingers against each other in a vague imitation of a clap, as if she couldn’t remember how to position her hands.

Wednesday collected her items and returned to her seat, pretending to not notice her classmates inching their desks away from hers.

“Your exam!” Ms. Fletcher suddenly cried out. “Your final exam is tomorrow! Let’s talk about that!” She practically ran back to the front of her room, taking a slightly circuitous route away from Wednesday’s desk, and grabbed at her piece of chalk like it was her last life ring. “Yes, let’s talk about your exam.”

Wednesday smiled to herself. She had a feeling Ms. Fletcher would rethink using the phrase "be creative" in the future.

**Author's Note:**

> Some of the names and deaths used come from various family members mentioned in either the old Addams Family shows or the '90s Addams Family movies. Other names (and methods of death) are completely made up. ;)
> 
> The crazy cemetery comes from the '90s movies. (I haven't seen any of the old shows, so I can't say if they had that too.)


End file.
